This is the story of how our Jesse came into the world and burst into our hearts. Like his brother, he was born at home, but that’s where the similarities end. Rather than come in the quiet of night, he chose a bright, sunny morning to make his grand entrance, which is fitting, now that we’ve had time to get to know him. But let me back up to where it all began.

This was a doozy of a pregnancy for me. I experienced lots of anxiety thanks to prior pregnancy losses and had some chronic health issues that I just couldn’t shake. Jay took on a massive side work project that spanned a few months and had him working 7 days a week, so I was doing my best to hold down the fort at home while chasing after a toddler and trying to take care of myself. We were all so deeply exhausted by the time the project wrapped, which I think was mid-to-late February. We could have used a month-long nap, but right as his hours returned to normal, life got busy with, ya know, life.

One other noteworthy similarity between Jesse and Finn is that they were both conceived right around the same time in July and their due dates were only two days apart: Finn was due 4/6, Jesse was due 4/8. Since Finn arrived three weeks early on 3/17 (under the full moon, in the snow), I was totally convinced that this baby would likely arrive sometime in mid-March, too. So that only left us with a few crazy weeks to prepare for the birth, throw Finn a birthday party, celebrate my 40th birthday, and take a breath before life got even busier.

We spent those weeks gathering all the supplies you need for a homebirth, batch cooking a month’s worth of meals, cleaning, organizing baby gear, throwing parties, and racing against some invisible clock. There was a full moon on 3/12 and a major snowstorm in the forecast, so I was worried that this baby would come then, before we were truly ready. Finn’s birthday on 3/17 was the last thing on the calendar that we had to get through before I could feel truly ready for baby. I remember feeling like we rushed, rushed, rushed to get to that point and then it came and went and there was this eerie calm on the other side. We were like, “what do we do now?, why isn’t baby here yet?”. Even though I was only 37/38 weeks, I felt overdue and was very antsy. We were in the “hurry up and wait” phase. The only thing left to do was wait, and then wait some more, and try to keep the house clean, and keep fresh flowers in bloom. I was obsessed with the need to have fresh flowers (preferably orange or pink ranunculus) on the window sill and organic strawberries in the fridge. I could not go into labor if either of those things were not in place. It makes me laugh now, but I was very serious about my flowers and berries.

The days of waiting wore on and on and on, or so it felt. Every morning that I woke up still pregnant was a shock. By 39 weeks, I felt like I was 43 weeks. I was very large and uncomfortable and beyond ready to meet this baby. I did my best to carry on with normal life and just flow with what was happening, or, not happening. And then, just when I thought I might be pregnant forever, things started happening.

In the late afternoon of Tuesday, April 4th, I started having semi-regular contractions that caught my attention, so I put a call in to my midwives and doula just an fyi. My midwife, Kate, said to keep going about my day but to call if they got stronger, longer, and more intense. She also recommended going out for a walk to see if that encouraged things along. I carried on with the rest of the day, made dinner, and then headed out for an evening walk under a beautiful, enchanted sky. It was a mild night, warm for early April. There was magic in the air and it felt like a perfect night for a birth. I was excited.

I headed home and started timing the contractions, which had ramped up a bit and were 5-7 minutes apart. We chose not to tell Finn anything and just let him fall asleep like normal. Putting him to bed that night broke my heart a little. All throughout this pregnancy, I had slowly been mourning the end of days as just the three of us. Adding another child to the family is obviously a joyful event, but it also marks the end of an era.  As prepared as he was for the birth and for the baby (as much as a 3yo can be), he really had no idea what was about to happen and how that would change his life. As I hugged him good night, part of me was also hugging him, only-child-him, goodbye. I closed his door, came downstairs, and wept. The emotional labor is just as necessary as the physical labor. This was just something I had to mourn in the moment in order to move on. And so I did.

Meanwhile, Jay started setting up the birth pool (in the dining room) so that it would be ready when things really picked up, which I thought for sure would’ve been within an hour or two, but baby had other plans. Instead of ramping up, the contractions slowed, and my midwife encouraged me to go to sleep. So I did. I slept for maybe three hours and then woke when the contractions grew stronger again, around 3:30am or so. I came downstairs, lit a candle, put on some mellow music, and swayed/rocked/rolled through the surges on my big blue birth ball. I did this for about an hour and then called my birth team to alert them that contractions were every 5 minutes lasting for a minute, and had been this way for about an hour. I also woke Jay up and told him it was time. This was the day!

Our birth team got to our apartment in what felt like the blink of an eye, although it was probably more like 40 minutes. One worry that I had going into this birth was that it would happen quickly and our birth team wouldn’t make it in time. So when they did make it, with plenty of time to spare, I was so relieved and relaxed that my labor stalled out. Also, I think adding people and energy into the environment impacted my groove, despite how much I wanted them there and how unintrusive they were. My body was affected by the change. 

Once again, my midwife Kate suggested that I head out for a walk to try to get things going again, so Jay and I and our awesome doula, Lacey, walked around the neighborhood in the pre-dawn light. It felt great to get out and move and to laugh and to breathe in some fresh air. It was also quite surreal to be walking around my neighborhood, stopping to have contractions against telephone poles and such.

Towards the end of the walk, I looked up and realized, to my dismay, that it had become morning. Noooooo! This was not part of the plan. In all of my birth visualizations, it was always nighttime. According to my plan (I know, I know… plans), it was supposed to be dark, quiet, the light of the moon, candles. I never once considered a daytime birth. But here we were, daytime. It was bright and buzzing with the energy of the start of a weekday morning commute. Not very birthy, if you ask me. 

The walk helped my contractions pick back up, but I’d be lying if I said the daytime realization didn’t put a damper on things. All I wanted to do once we returned home was check in with my midwives and then go within, find my own internal nighttime, and get back into a steady groove. But then, right as I wanted to go and hide and be alone, Finn woke up and came downstairs. And just like that, my labor stalled out again.

He was so cute. He came down, saw our midwives and doula and asked, “Is this the birth?” He was excited to see some friends over but also unsure about things. I had a contraction in front of him and when I was done, he looked at me and said “that’s enough, mommy”. That’s when I knew that he had to go. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to progress and do the work of hard labor with him present, and I knew that it would be too much for him. So I slipped away into the bathroom to be alone and to think about this decision before making it official. Lacey must have slipped into the bathroom with me, ninja style, and helped me work through my feelings about Finn leaving. Once I made the decision, she alerted Jay, he called his sister, Andrea, and the wheels were in motion.

That’s when things really started to pick up and when I could begin to let go. Everything I could control for, I did, and the things I couldn’t control for (damn daytime!), I let go. I labored while draped over my birth ball and loved the grounded feeling it provided. I was aware of all the motion swirling around me, all the noise from outside as the Avenue came alive, and the bright light pouring into the room, but I was able to focus and get in the zone. Lacey was with me the whole time and made me feel incredibly supported while also giving me enough space.

By now, Finn had adapted to the sounds and scenes of labor, and he no longer seemed put off by the contractions. We watched so many birth videos throughout the pregnancy, so he knew this was all natural and normal stuff, but obviously, it’s different watching your own mommy go through it. But once he saw the pattern and understood that I was always okay after a contraction, he felt safe. And I’m so very glad that he was there for some of the labor and we got to share some incredibly sweet moments. These were among my favorite moments of labor.

I think it was around 9:15 or 9:30 that Andrea came and took Finn for us. This is when things got real intense. As soon as Finn was gone, my body was like “LET’S DO THIS!”. I had a few more long, strong contractions while draped over the ball. Then, I got up to pee, had another contraction while on the toilet and felt totally ungrounded and mildly panicked. My birth ball, my refuge, was 1 million miles away and there was no way I could get back to it before the next contraction hit. I was determined not to have another contraction on the move or on the toilet. I was hot, sweaty, and crawling out of my skin. I was desperate for relief. In retrospect, I was hitting transition: the hardest part of labor.

I felt like the birth ball groove I had been in was over. I couldn’t go back. I needed a new refuge. I looked up from the toilet (commode) and saw the birth pool glimmering in the bright morning light, just waiting for me. It was as if I was seeing it for the first time, like, “Ohh, right, there’s a pool here just for me! I can get in!”. So I ripped off my dress and got in. It felt good, but it didn’t offer the relief I was looking for (probably because there was still a person trying to come out of my body). Rather than grounded, I felt slippery and like I couldn’t find my footing. I didn’t know what to do with my body. I felt like I was hitting a wall. I was desperate and looking for any kind of relief. And I was so very hot.

During this time, I felt a shift in the room. I was aware that my midwives had come into the room and had brought Jay back in (he was outside helping Andrea put Finn’s car seat in her car). This awareness brought some relief, as I figured the end must be near. While I was in the pool, I began to feel immense pressure and a little pushy. During Finn’s birth, I had those feelings and then he came out, but that wasn’t the way with this baby. I just wasn’t relaxed in the pool and couldn’t find a groove; it wasn’t working for me. Those minutes I spent in the water were, by far, the most difficult part of this birth.

So, after maybe 15-20 minutes, Kate asked if I wanted to try the birth stool. I was up for anything to try to get this baby out. I sat on the birth stool and began pushing with contractions, but as it turns out, I had no idea how to push since I didn’t have to do it last time. I was expending what little energy I had left in all the wrong ways and I was frustrated, exhausted, and at the end of my rope. Up until this point, my body knew exactly what to do, but here, I felt like I had no idea how to birth this baby. Kate, seeing my exhaustion, asked if I wanted to lay down on the floor and push. She was confident that I could push the baby out in this final position. All I heard was “lay down” and I was sold. I just wanted to lay down.

And she was right. With some coaching, and with some physical support from Jay and Lacey, I finally understood how to push in an effective way and baby came barreling out at 10:13am. I may have been too effective at pushing or went at it too fast, as I wound up with a tear, but alas, our baby was here!!!!! That moment of birth is like no other. There is the immense and instant relief from the physical and emotional intensity of labor, plus an incredible endorphin and adrenaline rush, PLUS, you get to meet one of the great loves of your life, all in an instant. There is no other experience available to human beings, that I’m aware of, that compares. It is truly EPIC. You go from the depths of hell to the most blissful high in an instant. Whew!

I heard the baby cry right away followed by Jay’s words: “It’s a BOY!”. Kate handed me our baby and in that moment, I knew he was my Jesse. We didn’t officially name him for three days, but in my heart, I knew he was Jesse. Holding him felt like coming home; it felt like a reunion. He kept nuzzling into my neck and it felt like a missing puzzle piece had been found. I couldn’t believe he was here. I think I kept saying “my baby! oh, my baby! hi baby! oh my God, we had a baby! hi baby! NEVER AGAIN, OH MY GAWD, THAT WAS SOOO INTENSE. look at this baby! It’s our baby!”

Because he barreled out and didn’t get a proper squeeze in the birth canal, he had a bit of fluid in his lungs and had “wet” respirations. My highly skilled midwives knew just what to do to help him clear his fluids and adjust to life on the outside. While I held him, my midwife Tyler listened to his lungs and pat his back to help get the fluid out. After that, midwife Kate administered a few puffs of air to help get the rest out and then he was back in my arms. The whole thing was very calm and quick and all I remember was the sheer relief of him being here and labor being over.

Once Jesse’s lungs were clear, Kate helped Jay cut the cord and then she sutured me up. After a few more snuggles with the baby, they helped me up off the floor and into the shower. This is such a tender memory for me. There I was, in my shower, alone in my skin for the first time in 9 months, alone with my thoughts, reeling in every direction from the exhaustion and adrenaline and joy of giving birth. My midwife Tyler was standing on the other side of the curtain, simultaneously worlds away and in my soul with me, quietly supporting me, bearing witness, and physically helping me when needed. She helped me dry off, got me into my pjs and walked me out to the living room where they had made me a little nest on the couch. Our bedroom is upstairs and I needed to not climb stairs right away, so couch nest it was. Lacey made me breakfast (quiche, strawberries, and a yogurt) and I was just about to settle in…

…but then things got weird.

Kate had just done the newborn exam and dressed Jesse when all of a sudden, we heard someone enter our apartment and start walking up the stairs, saying, “what’s going on in here?, what’s going on up here?”. It was our landlord, Carmen. He works in the shop downstairs and was alarmed when he saw a hose hanging out our dining room window (the pool was draining). Rather than call or knock, he entered our home – our fresh, raw birth space. It felt like the twilight zone. I was in that post-birth haze and didn’t really connect the dots of what was happening. Tyler stood at the top of the steps, held up her rubber gloved hands and basically said “hi, everything’s fine, everything’s fine, nothing to see here, thanks, bye!” and he turned around and started to leave. But he must have thought “wait, who the hell was that? Because he turned around again and came right up to our main living floor, right where I had just given birth. Kate was in the living room with us, one room over, and kept yelling “don’t come in here! Make sure he doesn’t come in here! Don’t come in here!!”. Mind you, I was half naked at this point and my placenta was splayed out on the living room floor. Tyler was doing her best to keep him from entering the room and Kate kept saying “don’t come in here!”

Finally, Jay went out to where he was and I heard Carmen say “what’s going on, what’s with the hose?” and Jay was like “um… Jen just had a baby, like, just now, right here”. Carmen was stunned. He couldn’t believe it. He went from confrontational to joyful in an instant. He literally couldn’t believe it, so Jay showed him the baby and he congratulated us and awkwardly left. The whole thing was hysterical. If it had ended any differently, it wouldn’t have been funny, but really, all we could do was laugh and shake our heads. I was so grateful to Kate and Tyler for fiercely defending my space and privacy. That was not something I anticipated needing at a homebirth. 

After the Carmen incident, Kate, Tyler, and Lacey helped us settle in, went over what to expect both with Jesse and with my own healing, cleaned up, and left us to begin our bonding with our baby. This is one of the best parts of homebirth: you’re already home! Home in your own pjs, on your own couch, like it’s an ordinary Wednesday morning, except it’s extraordinary in every way.

As soon as everyone left, I realized I wanted Finn back as soon as possible. I missed him and wanted him to be part of this family bonding. Jay made the call and he was home within 45 minutes. Introducing Finn to Jesse was such a joyful moment. He was genuinely excited about his baby brother and was gentle and loving. Seeing his happiness put my mama heart at ease, as I was worried he would be resentful or jealous, or even indifferent. But seeing his big-brother joy made my heart swell. 

And with that, I exhaled all the stress and anxiety of pregnancy and felt a wave of gratitude rise up in its place; gratitude for our amazing midwives and doula, for this healthy and perfect baby, for Jay and for Finn, and for the brilliant, dazzling, golden sunshine that, as it turned out, was the perfect backdrop for the birth of our own little son-shine.

So that’s the story of how our Jesse came into the world and how our little family of three became a four-pack. He is pure effervescent joy who puts the exclamation point on our family story (or maybe, just maybe, a very cheerful comma…).

His homebirth would not have been possible without the wisdom, knowledge, compassion, and skills of our birth team. Special thank you to Kate Aseron and Tyler Wilson-Gorfti of Rising Moon Midwifery  and Lacey Morgan of King of Prussia Doulas. Not only did they rock their respective roles as midwives and doula, but they also managed to snap several wonderful photos for us, many of which are featured above. We are so grateful for it all, K, T, & L!

Thanks for reading and following along on the journey!